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Location: Pacific Northwest, United States

Thursday, September 08, 2005

moving on

Thank God for the Fly Lady[www.flylady.net]
being self employed has been hard to get up and get going and keep going through the day. I just am taking it as well as I can. I find that if I need to cry then I should just cry. Keeping it back does not do any good at all and in fact makes it so much worse. I have also become even more of a hermit than ever. I rarely see my family. I take naps in the afternoon or make myself lay down for at least an hour... it really does help.

How the flylady comes in ... I get up and make my bed and get dressed and put on shoes, and braid my hair. Then I read my mail for a bit... then I am able to go and do chores. Being with the animals has been a Godsend. Animals are just awesome. I am spending lots of time with Bright Eyes and Pixie, two of the rabbits that I raised on a bottle.

That's me.... put me in a room full of people and I hide in the corner not knowing how to act... put me in a room with animals and I am right at home.

Today I am actually productive. I made a marker for Buddy's grave and also cut a piece for the back of my poor pathetic dresser. Then I put the new back on. I am going to cut some sheet metal for the top of the rabbit cages and need to do some things to get stuff under cover because it is going to rain tomorrow. Feed is out in the weather because it has simply not rained. My goal is to get my front room mucked out so I can start sewing again. I have the need to sew.... I have so many sewing projects that are backed up for years and it is so soothing and healing for me.

Well, then again :) running the table saw and the sander totally rocked too :) I know now that I can cut the boards I need for the sawdust toilet !!

I bought, of all things, wind chimes yesterday to hang in the tree. I have a tiny, tiny one :) and the sound brings me comfort. So I bought 6 small ones and a large one. I am going to put the large one right outside the window by my bed. The little ones get hung in the tree above Buddy's grave. Somehow the sound .... I don't feel quite so alone.

Dalf told me I am being too hard on myself. She is so wise. It is just when I compare myself to others I am so "weak" and "emotional" and I do not seem to be able to move on where as others in my family have not said a single word to me.

I am going through my clothes as I am picking the place up and setting clothing aside for Katarina survivors that are coming to Portland this week. I am torn on where to give money.

If there was a Katarina dog or cat out there that did not have a home, they could come and stay here with me. I have 6 cats all ready lol and there is room in my trailer and in my heart for a dog. Bud was a big boy, but a small dog could sleep on my bed.

~~ Lindy ~~
"A heart can be broken, but it still beats just the same." - Fried Green Tomatoes

1 Comments:

Blogger angrylilazngrl said...

oh dear. i am so sorry for your loss....i was cheering for buddy from across the sea....

liz and duke

4:39 AM  

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